Archive for Funeral Planning Guidance

The advantages and disadvantages of donating your body to science

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Tuesday, May 15th, 2012

Many people consider donating their body to science in lieu of choosing a funeral followed by burial in a cemetery.  Body donation (or medical donation, as it is sometimes called), has advantages and disadvantages

Advantages of donating your body to science

One of the chief advantages related to donating your body to science is that this option is often considerably less expensive than other funeral options.  By donating your body to science, you avoid costs associated with body burial in a cemetery.  You may also be able to lower or reduce costs related to the headstone or memorial marker.

A body donation can also be fairly simple to arrange: normally you file basic paperwork with a donor program (usually a medical school) and then notify the donor program immediately following the death.  Representatives from the medical school will dispatch professionals to pick up the decedent and transport the body back to the medical school.

Moreover, the donor program or medical school accepting the body usually takes full responsibility for handling the eventual cremation and burial tasks.  Families are usually given the option of having cremated remains buried at the school site or returned to the family once the school is finished using the body for teaching purposes.

Donating your body to medical science also has an altruistic advantage in that your donation helps train future doctors and surgeons and may help find cures to a variety of diseases.  While this may not be a high priority in some families, other families take solace in the fact that they are able to make a positive impact on future generations.

Medical donation / Body donation – disadvantages to consider

While medical donation offers many advantages, there are also disadvantages you should consider before finalizing your plans.

You need to plan carefully to ensure that the body will be accepted regardless of the manner of death.  Some donation programs exclude bodies that have expired from certain conditions.  Should you (or a loved one) die in a manner that is excluded under the terms of the donor program, surviving family members would be responsible for making alternative arrangements.  This means even if you were planning on donating your body to science at relatively no cost, you could end up with unexpected funeral bills.

Most donor programs have counselors that can clearly explain which methods of death are acceptable or excludable under their program guidelines.  By talking with the donor program counselor and reviewing their literature, you can reduce –and in many cases eliminate- the risk of an expensive surprise.  Some programs will agree to accept the body regardless of the manner of death – even if the school determines they cannot use the body for teaching purposes.

It is also important to remember that medical donation may not be a viable alternative for “at need” cases.  Most donor programs require program registration prior to the time of death.  Because most medical schools require the decedent to be delivered immediately upon death, there often is not enough time to register for medical donation after the person has died.

This means you should have a backup plan when choosing medical donation.  You want to have a “plan B” just in case your donation is not accepted by the medical school because of an excludable manner of death or because the body could not be transported to the medical school within a reasonable amount of time.  Again, the donor program counselor will be able to provide clear guidance as to what manners of death and what time frames for delivery are acceptable.

Also, because most medical schools use bodily organs in their research, they usually do not accept bodies whose organs have been donated.  So if donating your organs is important to you, the medical donation option may not be available to you.  Similarly, autopsied bodies are usually not eligible for medical donation for the same reason.

Note: most medical schools do allow you to donate your eyes without jeopardizing a full body donation.

While donating your body to science can be a wonderful way to serve future generations, the process may not celebrate the decedent’s life as the family wants.  Because time is of the essence when donating a body, there usually is not time to hold a funeral or memorial service with the body present.  This doesn’t mean the family can’t hold a memorial service anyway; it just means that they will have to hold the service in the absence of the body or cremated remains.

Because some families find that holding a funeral is therapeutic and helps them begin the healing process, forgoing a funeral for body donation, may be less satisfying to some  surviving family members.

Although all medical schools hold a community memorial service to pay respects to the bodies used during the previous semester’s classes, this ceremony usually does not occur until approximately 18 months after the date of death.  This extended “waiting period” often may delay the family’s feeling of closure.

Lastly, because the body needs to be preserved for a long time period (usually until the next school semester starts), the medical school will be required to embalm the body.

Donating your body to medical science has many advantages and disadvantages.  The above considerations can be used as a starting point for making an appropriate decision.

You can learn more about donating your body to medical science here.

 

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What does cremation with services mean?

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Saturday, May 12th, 2012

This article explains cremation with services.  Families choosing cremation have two options: direct cremation or cremation with services. 

Cremation with services often includes elements similar to what you would find in a traditional funeral; however, instead of a casketed body serving as the focal point of ceremonies, the cremated remains are the centerpiece of a memorial service.   

With cremation the body is exposed to high heat and reduced to the consistency of sand.  In the case of cremation with services, the cremation itself could occur after a traditional funeral has been held or the body could be cremated first and the cremains used as the focal point during a memorial service.

A memorial service is any type of service that commemorates the life of the deceased while an urn containing the cremains (i.e. ashes) is in the room.  A funeral service is any type of service that commemorates the life of the deceased while the casketed body is in the room. 

Depending on the timing of cremation, the body may need to be embalmed.  If the body is cremated before any type of formal ceremony is held, embalming is usually not necessary.  If cremation takes place after the body is viewed, embalming is usually required.

To summarize: cremation with services

When you choose cremation with services the body is removed from the place of death to the funeral home or crematory.  The body is then prepared for viewing and visitation, followed by a funeral ceremony and then cremated.

Alternatively, the body could be cremated immediately upon arrival at the funeral home and the cremains used as the centerpiece in a memorial service.

Click here to learn more about cremation.

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Donating your body to science – what you need to know about body donation

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Tuesday, May 8th, 2012

Many people consider donating their body to science in lieu of choosing a funeral followed by cemetery burial.   

Donating your body to science:  a basic description

When you choose to donate a deceased body to science, you are essentially donating the body to aid medical research – usually to teach medical students about anatomy.

When you donate a body, a representative from the medical school picks up the body and takes it to back to the school school where it’s embalmed and stored.  The body is used to teach anatomy to medical students during the following semester’s classes.  After the semester ends, the body is cremated.

The cremated remains (i.e. cremains) are either returned to the family or buried in communal plot in a cemetery near the medical school. 

Families choosing to donate a body to science can still choose to hold their own memorial service after the death; however, in cases of body donation, the cremains will not be present during the memorial service (because the body needs to be transported to the medical school immediately following death).

The medical school usually holds a single memorial service for all of the bodies used during the previous semester’s classes, and surviving family members are invited to attend the ceremony.   The medical school’s memorial service occurs approximately two years after the date of death.

After the school holds their memorial service, the cremains are usually buried in a cemetery near the medical school.  However, the family can also request the cremains be returned to the family.  Again, this occurs nearly two years after death.

Body donation – typical requirements

Medical schools have specific rules that must be followed in order to donate a body for their use.  Most schools only accept fully-intact bodies (because they can also use the organs in their research).  This means most schools will not accept a body that has been autopsied or that has donated bodily organs.  

Note: usually, you are allowed to donate the eyes without jeopardizing the full body donation – but check with your specific donation program first, just to be sure.

Here is an index that identifies body donation programs.

I live near the Cleveland Clinic, and they also have a reputable medical donation program.

There is usually no cost associated with donating a body to a medical school, as long as you deal directly with the school itself.  Many funeral homes will help arrange a medical donation, but they usually charge a fee (about $1,000) for doing so.

If you are thinking about body donation as a way to avoid the expense of a funeral, considering consulting the Funeral Saver’s Kit.  Its helped thousands of families reduce burdensome funeral expenses and choose the end-of-life options that are right for them.  It includes even more information about donating a body to science.

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What are the advantages and disadvantages of a traditional funeral service?

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

 This article identifies a variety of considerations related to holding a traditional funeral service.  Reviewing these considerations will help you identify the type of funeral service that is most appropriate in your situation.  

 

Advantages of a traditional funeral service

A traditional funeral service is the most popular –and therefore, socially acceptable- type of funeral service in America.  The structured formality of the traditional funeral service may provide the family with a sense of comfort and closure not experienced in less formal service arrangements.

 

The traditional funeral affords ample time for friends and extended family to attend and support the surviving family members.  A traditional funeral usually includes some type of viewing ceremony held one or two nights before the actual funeral.  Since the funeral ceremony itself is almost always held during the daytime, this nighttime visitation allows friends to pay their respects, even if they work during the day.  Also, by scheduling the traditional funeral three to six days after the death, extended family members have time to make travel arrangements, if necessary.

 

The traditional funeral provides many ways to celebrate the life of the deceased.  Although the traditional funeral can be a fairly structured event, it also provides maximum flexibility in terms of casket choice, religious readings, flower arrangements, and eulogies.

 

Lastly, the expenses associated with a traditional funeral service leave plenty of room for negotiating a big discount.  Using a resource like the Funeral Saver’s Kit to plan your funeral can often slash several thousands dollars from the funeral home’s bill.

Disadvantages of the traditional funeral service

The main disadvantage of the traditional funeral service is its cost.  The traditional funeral service is the most expensive option in terms of service, disposition, and memorial costs.  The average traditional funeral costs nearly $7,500 and often exceeds $10,000. 

 

Many people also feel that traditional funeral services lack meaning.  This is often the case when the family fails to personalize a highly-structured traditional funeral service.  (The Funeral Savers Kit provides many useful tips that show you how to personalize the traditional funeral service for free.)

 

Holding a viewing during the evening, followed by the actual funeral service the next day, forces family and friends to make multiple trips to the funeral home (separate trips for viewing and funeral ceremonies).  This may be an inconvenience for family members that are ill, disabled, or have to travel great distances.  The traditional funeral also requires the greatest time commitment from the immediate family in terms of planning and attending ceremonies.

 

Unfortunately, the traditional funeral service is subject to the greatest amount of sales pressure from funeral home employees.  Because there are many funeral goods and services associated with a traditional funeral, there are a lot of opportunities for the funeral home to sell overpriced (and often unnecessary) items under the guise of “tradition.”

 

The traditional funeral service, like any other type of funeral service, has both advantages and disadvantages.  Considering both the benefits and costs associated with a traditional service allows you to make an appropriate choice for your family. 

You can learn more about traditional funeral services with the Funeral Saver’s Kit.

 

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Cremation costs – How much does a cremation with services cost?

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Sunday, April 29th, 2012

This article discusses cremation costs related to choosing a cremation with services.

Broadly speaking, the average cost of cremation with services handled through a funeral home is between $2,000 and $4,000.  If these same services are handled directly through a crematory, you can expect to pay between $1,500 and $3,000. 

Typically, these prices include the cost of the actual cremation and a basic memorial service.  Some families may instead choose to cremate the body after first holding a viewing or funeral ceremony. 

This type of cremation with service can increase costs considerably by requiring you to purchase a casket and pay more for the funeral director’s basic services.

When choosing cremation following a funeral service, you can expect to pay between $4,000 to $6,000 at a funeral home or $3,000 to $4,000 at a crematory. 

You can learn more about controlling cremation costs  here.

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What makes up a “traditional” funeral?

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Thursday, April 26th, 2012

A “traditional” funeral involves the laying out of a casketed body for friends and family to pay respects.  The casket itself may be either “open” or “closed”.  An open casket is one in which the casket lid is left open so that the deceased is visible throughout the ceremony.  A closed casket ceremony means the ceremony is held in the presence of the casket, but the casket lid is closed.  The decedent’s family decides which option they prefer after considering the manner of death and condition of the body.

During a traditional funeral, some type of remembrance ceremony is held.  This ceremony gives friends an opportunity to “say goodbye” to the person who has died and comfort surviving family members.  The funeral ceremony may be open to anyone that wishes to come, or it may be restricted to invited friends and family members.

With a traditional funeral, the body is removed from the place of death and transported to the funeral home.  At the funeral home, the body is embalmed and cosmetically repaired (i.e. the hair is combed, cleaned, and set and makeup, if needed, is applied).  After the body is prepared, it is laid out in a casket. 

Usually, a viewing or visitation ceremony is held the night before the actual funeral service.  This gives friends and well-wishers an opportunity to pay their respects even if they can’t attend the actual funeral service (which is usually held during normal work hours).  If the casket lid is closed during this time, it’s called a “visitation” ceremony; if the casket lid remains open during the ceremony, it is known as a “viewing.”

The actual funeral ceremony is usually held the day after the viewing ceremony.  This is the formal ceremony in which the eulogy is given, often by a religious official.

Immediately following the funeral ceremony, the body is transported to its final resting place – usually a cemetery or mausoleum.  A committal service (i.e. separate service held at the grave side) may also be held right before the casketed body is buried or entombed.

Learn more about traditional funerals.

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Basic facts about the cremation process

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Friday, April 20th, 2012

This brief article shares facts about the cremation process.  Most bodies that are cremated are placed in something combustible.  Typical cremation containers include heavy cardboard trays, cardboard or wood caskets, or canvas body bags. 

Only 15 percent of cremations include the use of a casket.  This means nearly 85 percent of cremations take place using a less expensive cardboard container or canvas bag. 

Cremation process

The typical cremation process takes somewhere between one and two hours to complete.  The actual time varies in proportion to the size of the deceased, with larger bodies taking slightly longer to cremate. 

Cremation heats the body and container at a high enough temperature to reduce all contents to cremains.  “Cremains” is the technical term for “ashes.”  A normal adult body yields between five and seven pounds of cremains, enough to fill a 12″X 4″ container.

Cremains are generally gray in color and have a consistency similar to playground sand or fine gravel.  From an environmental standpoint, cremains are sterile and non-polluting.

Most funeral homes return cremated remains in a small cardboard box fitted with a plastic-bag liner.  Sometimes the funeral home will stamp the word “temporary” on the box in an effort to sell the family a more permanent – and expensive – urn.  However, you do not need to purchase an urn because any container, including the simple cardboard box, is sufficient for storage purposes.

You can learn more about the cremation process in the Funeral Saver’s Kit.

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How to write a eulogy

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Eulogy is pronounced like this:  /Yule-ah-gee/

A eulogy is simply a speech about a loved one who has died. This speech is usually given during a memorial or funeral ceremony.  While it is often given by a close friend or relative of the deceased, it can also be given by a religious leader. 

Don’t stress out over giving a eulogy.  Think of it as a simple conversation with the family and friends about the life of the person who has died.  Remember, the funeral or memorial ceremony is usually only attended by people that somehow mattered to the deceased.  They are eager to hear about the deceased and will appreciate anything you say. 

Also, almost EVERYONE is afraid of speaking in public so the “audience” is NOT expecting you to give a flawless speech.  If fact, if you “mess up” a little (or a lot), the audience tends to rally around you even more.  They really do!

There is no “right way” to compose a eulogy.  Since most people have no idea what a eulogy is supposed to sound like, you can pretty much create it any way you want.  Here are some things you may want to talk about:  

  • a brief “life history” of the person who has died
  • important achievements and events in the deceased’s life
  • details about family, friends, work, and hobbies
  • favorite memories of the deceased

Most eulogies last between 5 and 15 minutes but there are no hard and fast rules here.  You can also deliver “vignette” eulogies.  This is where several different people take turns speaking about the deceased.  For example, each of the children of a deceased parent could give a small speech about their favorite respective memory with the deceased. 

Breaking a single eulogy into separate vignettes gives others a chance to participate in the services and takes the pressure off of just one speaker.  Even if each person speaks for just a little while, it will seem like a longer, more robust speech because it takes time for each person to walk up to the podium and then return to their seat.

Basic steps for writing a eulogy:

  1. Write a brief chronological outline of the key events that occurred in the person’s life from the time of birth until death.  This will often remind you of several pivotal events experienced by the person (e.g. graduating from college, getting married, serving in the military, starting a business, etc.) that may be worth mentioning.
  2. Write down your favorite memories of the deceased.  Ask others (friends, relatives, co-workers) if they have favorite memories you can share.  Often times people have things they want to say during the funeral but they are either afraid to speak or aren’t afforded an opportunity. 
  3. Make a list of some of the things that were important to the deceased person….things he/she was passionate about.  This may trigger stories of their own that you can incorporate into your speech.
  4. Combine all your thoughts, ideas, comments, and memories into one giant list.  Review this list and decide which things you want to include in your speech.
  5. Organize your chosen comments into some type of order.  For example you might want to organize by:
  • Chronological date the events occurred
  • Common themes (e.g. family, career, work, hobbies)
  • Speaker (if you plan on using vignette eulogies); develop a schedule that shows when each person is to speak.

More eulogy tips

Write out your speech.  You may feel more comfortable writing out the entire speech or you may just decide to use note cards with a few sentences that will trigger your memory so you remember what it is you want to say.  Again, there is no one right way.  Some people will commit the speech to memory and never need to refer to their notes; others will look at their speech and read it word-for-word without ever looking at the audience.  Use whatever method is most natural for you.

Your speech can be serious, light-hearted, or a combination of both.  A mix of both seriousness and humor is most popular.  Funerals are a combination of sadness and celebration.  People will grieve at funerals, but it’s OK to laugh too.  It really is!

Also, since no one but you will ever see what you have written you don’t need to worry about grammar or spelling.  All you need is to have something in writing that will remind you of what it is you want to say.  

Practice saying your speech out loud while in front of a mirror.  This will help you develop a natural speaking rhythm and will highlight any verbal or physical habits that could be a distraction to your audience.  

Remember to take a clean copy of your speech with you to the funeral home.  You can either write it out word-for-word or just make a few necessary note cards to trigger your memory. (Make sure you number the note cards so you can keep them in order.)

 Delivering the eulogy:

 Focus on honoring the deceased instead of worrying about how your speech will sound to others.

  • Take deep breathes before beginning your speech. This will help you regain composure and slow your heart rate down.  This will also help you speak in a slower, more controlled manner.  
  • Take a drink of water before speaking (or take something to drink with you to the podium) to keep your mouth from getting dry.    
  • Remember: that it’s OK to show emotion. If you become emotional and start to cry, that’s perfectly normal (even if you are a guy!). No one will think any less of you.  Take time to regain your composure, but if you’re unable, simply say “I am sorry, but I can’t go on right now” and return to your seat.  The funeral director or clergy member will step in and continue the ceremony from where you let off.

One final thought:  It’s an honor to be asked to give a eulogy.  You wouldn’t have been picked if you weren’t special to the deceased in some way.  Others know this and they will EXPECT you to be grieving too.

 

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What you must know before planning a funeral

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Saturday, April 14th, 2012

Before planning a funeral you should know that death care in America is a business.  There are service providers (e.g. funeral homes, cemeteries, and headstone dealers) and there are consumers (people like you and me who need to make funeral arrangements). 

 

Like any business, funeral homes and cemeteries should provide their goods and services on an honest and fair basis.  Unfortunately, this rarely happens as several characteristics unique to the funeral industry place the consumer at a significant disadvantage when making funeral arrangements. 

 

Unique characteristics inherent in planning a funeral:

 

·        disorientation caused by bereavement

·        infrequency of purchase

·        lack of objective information

·        the need to make decisions quickly

·        social taboos surrounding death

·        lack of standards by which to judge funeral goods & services

·        the fact that most people:

o       fail to view funeral arrangements as a business transaction

o       are ignorant of the law as it pertains to disposal of the dead

o       know very little about how a funeral home operates

 

Together these characteristics place consumers at a significant disadvantage when making funeral arrangements.  Funeral homes are staffed by experienced salesmen who deal with the business of death every day.  These professional salespeople square off against emotionally distraught families forced to act hastily with little or no information about legal requirements and available options.

 

The profit-obsessed nature of the funeral industry creates a conflict of interest between the desire for sales and the consumer’s need for meaning and affordability.  The funeral home can make substantially more money if they can manipulate a family into buying unnecessary and overpriced items.  In this unbalanced and highly charged environment, purchase decisions are often based on what the funeral home offers to sell instead of what the family wants (or can afford) to purchase.  This increases consumer costs and decreases consumer satisfaction with the goods and services received. 

 

This website and the Funeral Saver’s Kit ”level the playing field”.  Together they give you, the consumer, objective information and tools needed to understand, evaluate, and make satisfying and affordable funeral arrangements. 

 

A major assumption that lies behind modern funeral practices is that “nothing is too good for the dead”….but you are NOT being disrespectful to the deceased by being practical regarding the arrangements.

 

Most people want to avoid looking cheap when making funeral arrangements.  They want to arrange “a nice, decent funeral”, but they have no idea what a nice, decent funeral looks like.  And everybody is concerned about price – so don’t feel guilty about wanting or needing to make less expensive arrangements.  Did you know that when President John F. Kennedy died, even his family didn’t want to overpay?  The Kennedy family’s accountant was hired to review the funeral home’s bill and identify unnecessary charges.  In the end, the accountant was able to save the family a substantial amount of money.

 

There will be a temptation to just throw up your hands and let the funeral director make all the decisions because of time pressures, uncomfortable decisions, and the emotional stress of dealing with all the pertinent details, but that can be an expensive and unnecessary mistake. 

 

Next to a house and car, a funeral is the third most expensive purchase the average American citizen makes during his lifetime.  Just as you are careful when buying a car or house, being careful when making funeral arrangements can result in tremendous financial savings.

 

The Funeral Saver’s Kit, along with this website, gives you honest advice regarding choices and prices…after all, you have to live the rest of your life with the decisions you make in an hour or two; if you waste money now, it’s gone forever.

 

The key to feeling comfortable and saving money is knowing the available alternatives and asking for them – and that’s what you’ll learn using the help you find here. 

 

Remember, stripped to its simplest form a funeral is merely saying goodbye and disposing of the remains…all else is really unnecessary.

 

Click here to learn more about planning a funeral.

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What is an “immediate burial”?

By Mike Testa · Comments (0)
Sunday, April 8th, 2012

Choosing an “immediate burial” when making funeral arrangements can have a big impact on the total cost of a funeral.  This article will explain what the funeral home does when you choose an immediate burial instead of a traditional funeral.

 

What are the key elements of an immediate burial?

 

The funeral home does four things when you choose an immediate burial:

 

·        remove body from place of death to funeral home

·        obtain permits

·        transport body to a final resting place

·        bury or entomb the body upon arrival at the cemetery

 

 

What is an immediate burial?

 

With an immediate burial the body is taken directly from the place of death (or from the morgue) to the cemetery.  Normally, the body stops at the funeral home just long enough to secure the death certificate and burial permit – and for the family to buy the cemetery lot.  The body is then transported to the cemetery where it will be buried in a grave or entombed in a mausoleum crypt.

 

With an immediate burial there is no:

·        funeral ceremony

·        viewing or visitation ceremony

·        grave side ceremony

·        embalming or other body preparation

 

Although immediate burials do not include any type of formal ceremony, many families choose to hold a get-together at a relative’s house following the burial.  This allows the family to get a sense of closure without incurring additional expenses at the funeral home.    

 

Click here to find out how much an immediate burial costs.

 

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